Internet Detritus Monstrous Compendium

A baker’s dozen of dungeon denizens inspired by some random bullshit that drifted across my dashboard.



  1. Killer Bee: aggressive eusocial insect (AC 12, 1/2 HD, sting +1 (1d2 damage + Con save or paralyzed for 1d4 rounds), can summon another 1d4+1 killer bees as back-up)
  2. Cave Slime: colonial mold organism (AC 11, 3 HD, pseudopod +3 (1d6 damage), releases clouds of spores when struck (all adjacent creatures Con save or confused))
  3. Jason: masked lunatic (AC 14, 1 HD, machete +4 (1d6+3 damage), immune to charm and fear; at 0 HP, unless body is completely destroyed, Jason will revive in 1d4-1 rounds; noiseless – has advantage on Stealth checks; mask is cursed – whoever puts it on begins losing 1d4 Wisdom per hour, wearer becomes Jason at 0 Wis, mask can only be removed with remove curse before wearer loses all Wisdom)
  4. Blood Ball: weird disembodied eye (AC 12, 1/2 HD, any creature that meets its gaze must make Wis save or be hypnotized for 1d6 rounds; at 0 HP it bursts in a spray of gore (everyone in 10 ft. radius must make Con save or their eyes will fall out and become blood balls in 1d6 hours))
  5. Rock Face: minor elemental spirit (AC 18, 1 HD, extend stalactite/stalagmite +1 (1d6 damage, 10 ft. range), resistant to non-magic weapons)
  6. Blue Killer: azure-shelled scorpion with a lethal sting (AC 14, 1/2 HD, pincers +1 (1d3 damage) or sting +1 (Con save or die)
  7. Zombie: reanimated shambler (AC 13, 1 HD, ragged claws or rotting teeth +1 (1d4 damage + Con save or contract random disease (incubation period 1d6 hours))
  8. Metal Shark: aquatic automaton (AC 16, 1 HD, basically immobile on land but can still bite (+1, 1d6 damage) anything in reach; worth 1d3x100 silver pieces in parts and materials)
  9. Shark Lizard: sightless carnivore uses hearing and scent to hunt (AC 14, 3 HD, bite +3 (1d8 damage); blood frenzy – when it, or target, has less than half hp, deals double damage)
  10. Small Dragon: miniature drake with disproportionately large ego (AC 16, 3 HD, claw or bite +3 (1d6 damage) or spit corrosive drool (30 ft. rng, 1d4 acid damage + 1d4 acid damage per round until neutralized); can fly clumsily)
  11. Ghost: otherworldly apparition (AC 13, 1 HD, immune to non-magical weapons, uses psychokinesis to throw objects (20 ft. rng, 1d4 damage); appearance causes fear (Wis save to resist, only needs to succeed once))
  12. Big Hose: oversized, armor-plated annelid (AC 18, 1 HD, bite +1 (1d4 damage, can lunge up to 10 ft.), can burrow through solid rock)
  13. Orc: brutish humanoid (AC 13, 3 HD, crude hand weapon +3 (1d6 damage), can attack twice in a round if it hasn’t moved)

Random Item Drop

An assortment of unusual items that first appeared on my tumblr



If this cold-iron dagger is stabbed into a surface upon which a living creature casts it shadow, that creature will be rooted to the spot from which it casts the shadow. It can take any action except leave its current location, even by magical means, until Soul Spike no longer pierces its shadow.

Additionally, the wielder of Soul Spike suffers no penalties when using it to attack spectral or incorporeal entities and any damage it inflicts cannot be regenerated while the being remains intangible.







A character making a successful history/lore/arcana/Intelligence check will know that after a practitioner of black magic was executed, iron nails were pounded into the sorcerer’s jaw to prevent the corpse from resurrecting.

When worn as a talisman, the jawbone provides the wearer with some protection against harmful magic. Each witch’s jawbone has 2d4+1 nails hammered into it. Whenever the wearer is targeted by a spell, the jawbone will absorb it instead. A number of nails equal to the level of spell absorbed with crumble to dust. Once all of the nails are gone, the jawbone is useless.

Should the wearer be targeted by a spell of a higher level than the number of nails in the jawbone, the jawbone is destroyed and the spell affects the wearer as normal.



A character making a successful history/lore/Intelligence check can identify when and where the coins were minted (for the sake of simplicity, you can assume that all the coins are of the same type).

This strange article of clothing provides the same protection as chain mail armor. Also, a wearer gains a +1 bonus to all saving throws and a +1 bonus to NPC reaction rolls.

A character could also pull coins off the shirt and try to spend them; because of their great age, the coins’ value will vary from place to place and person to person. An antique dealer in a cosmopolitan city might consider them priceless artifacts, but they might not be worth the metal their made from to the proprietor of some far-flung roadside inn.

There is a 1% cumulative chance per coin taken from the coat that all of the coins will fall off the backing and all the benefits the garment granted will be irreparably lost.

Deviant Artists and High-Impact Bible Study (Actual Play)

Last night, I played a one-shot Black Hack game at No Land Beyond, a gaming joint in Baltimore. Justin Sirois, local author and game maker ran four of us through a few scenarios based on his campaign module Beneath.


My dirtbag thief, Nimbleshanks

The party consisted of:

  • Ethan Solheim, a cleric (played by Dan)
  • Morg, a conjurer (played by Ash)
  • Nimbleshanks, a thief (Me)
  • and Oleg, another conjurer, and his familar Fenris the Wolf (played by Brian)

So, the story begins in the town of Crag Lee, which has become known as a hub of creativity and innovation, but has recently experienced a rash of disappearances – people just head into the forest north of town and never come back. Those that remain have started blacking out mirrors and windows.

One of these missing persons was the owner of a local mine and associate of Baron Lennox. Lennox hired the party to go after his business partner and hopefully find her so the mine can be reopened.

The adventurers leave immediately, in the middle of the night. On their way out of town they pass a bonfire into which townspeople are chucking all manner of mirrors and reflective surfaces. Strange things are afoot in Crag Lee.

In the northern woods, the party meet Hannah, a mercenary who’s looking for her missing brother Cameron. Introductions are made, and while Hannah and the adventurers discuss what she knows about the situation, movement is heard from the south. Everyone looks and sees… this guy has set up an easel and has been sketching the group the whole time. Before anyone can ask him what the hell he’s doing, two more dudes reveal themselves; like the first the guy, they’re dressed in paint-smudged smocks, but instead of brushes or charcoal, they’re holding spiked clubs. PLAY THE FIGHT RIFF!


Morg attempts to dispatch the dude with the easels using the spell “black vomit,” but is only partially successful – instead of blasting the artiste, the Morg’s vomit just dribbles into a puddle on the ground. The intended target attempts to thwack Morg with the folded-up easel and critically fails – the easel flies out of his grip and lands several yards away. Ethan rushes over to stand on top of the easel and recites a prayer to bless his companions. Oleg sics Fenris on the two goons, but the wolf is an unable to land a blow on either. Both goons rush Ethan, who manages to fend off their clubs with his shield. This leaves them vulnerable to Nimbleshanks, who backstabs the bejeezus out of one them.

At this point, two more goons emerge from the woods to tussle with Hannah. Morg sort of judo throws the artist into the puddle of black vomit, which begins dissolving him. Ethan whiffs with his mace, and both he and Nimbleshanks take clubs to their respective domes. Oleg zaps one of the newly arrived goons with a magic missile, which allows Hannah to escape and take out one of her attackers with a crossbow bolt that explodes into a tangle of thorny vines. Nimbleshanks knocks down the goon he didn’t gank with a leg sweep and handsprings away.

Much to Ethan’s dismay (he’s a cleric after all), Morg reanimates the goon Hannah just killed and orders him to attack his former compatriot. The zombie slays him, and Ethan finished off the remaining goon with a mace through the face.

To Ethan’s continued dismay, the reanimation spell lasts for a hour, so the zombie hangs out and chats with Morg. Turns out, the zombie was formerly George Kilroy, leader of a gang of renegade artists that turned to crime. Zombie George gives Morg his sketchbook, which is full of well-rendered depictions of violence and depravity. Everyone else chills out for the rest of the night to recuperate from the fight. The scene ends with Morg carrying out Zombie George’s last wish to be “turned into art” and impales it to the easel.

Bright and early the next morning, Hannah leads the party further north to a staircase leading down. The group takes the stairs down,



After 20 stories downwards, the stairs open into a hallway carved out of salt-encrusted stone. The hall terminates at a dead end with mirrors affixed to eastern and western walls. Hannah does something to the western mirror, causing it dissipate into a doorway through which everyone hustles through.

On the other side, the party finds themselves in a large chamber full of pews and and sparsely populated bookshelves. In a far corner, a robed figure sits in an armchair facing another mirror. Hannah points out a ledger laying open on a lectern – “Cameron” is written on one of the pages, in his hand, indicating that he had been this way. The person in the robe becomes aware of the group and greets them; Hannah identifies them as Michael, who ran the bookshop in Crag Lee.

Michael requests that everyone lay down their weapons, saying that they won’t be needed in paradise. Everyone is naturally reluctant to disarm. Michael insists and begins summoning waves of larger-than-normal sized frogs. PLAY THE FIGHT RIFF!


Fenris quickly gobbles up a brace of frogs, but they turn out to be super-poisonous and he dies. Hannah is swarmed by amphibians, but Ethan beats back the frogs that leap at him. Morg uses magic to draw blood out of Fenris’ corpse and form it into projectiles that absolutely wreck Michael, who collides with the mirror he had been gazing into at the start of the scene. The mirror cracks and all the frogs turn their attention to Michael, who has begun rubbing his hands over the broken glass as if he could smooth it out again. The frogs attack him; one even manages to crawl into his mouth and Michael starts suffocating.

Hannah, now free of the frogs herself, implores the rest of the group to protect Michael – she’s convinced that he has information on her brother’s whereabouts. Nimbleshanks tip-toes through the frogs and whack’s Michael in the back of the head with a Bible that he had in his inventory for some reason. The frog flies out of Michael’s mouth and Michael himself is knocked unconscious. The rest of the frogs, thinking Michael is dead, retreat back through the mirror.

All in all, it was a fun way to spend three hours. This was my first time playing with the Black Hack rule set and I dig the loose, improvisational nature.





“Murasa Ranger,” by Erik Deschamps

Guerrilla Warfare
At 3rd level, a bushwhacker rogue adds their proficiency bonus to all Wisdom (Survival) checks, even if they are already proficient in the skill.

Additionally, the rogue chooses one of the following abilities:

  • Hit and Fade: If a hidden bushwhacker attempts a ranged sneak attack and misses, they remain hidden. If the attack succeeds, the bushwhacker gains advantage on their next Hide check.
  • Smash and Grab: After attempting a melee sneak attack, a bushwhacker can make a Sleigh of Hand attempt against the target or another creature adjacent to both the target and the rogue. If the attack succeeds, the bushwhacker gains advantage on the Sleight of Hand check.

Starting at 9th level, a bushwhacker gains one additional hit point per level. Also, when subjected to an effect that allows a Constitution saving throw to take half damage, the bushwhacker takes no damage instead, and suffers half damage on a failed save.

When the bushwhacker uses Uncanny Dodge, they can also make a single attack (melee or ranged) against the enemy attacking them.

In natural environments, a bushwhacker’s blindsense extends to 20 ft and also applies to traps and structures.



Armored Might
At third level, a myrmidon chooses one of the following abilities:

  • Immovable: Whenever you roll a Strength saving throw and the result is lower than your armor class, you can use the value of your armor class instead. You must be wearing heavy armor to use this ability.
  • Irresistible: You count as one size category larger for the purposes of grapple and shove attempts. You must be wearing heavy armor to use this ability.

Fistful of Steel
At 7th level, a myrmidon wearing heavy armor can deal 1d4+Str bludgeoning damage with their unarmed strikes.

Tough as Nails
When a 10th-level myrmidon uses the second wind ability, they gain resistance to non-magical bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage until the beginning of their next turn.

Heavy Metal Thunder
A 15th-level myrmidon can wield a two-handed melee weapon in one hand.

Vulgar Display of Power
At 18th level, whenever a myrmidon drops an enemy to 0-hp, that creature’s allies must make Wisdom saving throws or gain disadvantage on attacks and saving throws until the end of the myrmidon’s next turn.


The Demon Queller


Shoki, the Demon Queller, by Utagawa Kuniyoshi

The world is beset with perils beyond mortal ken – following a lengthy illness, a child begins speaking an ancient tongue; malicious spirits torment a nobleman in his newly-inherited keep; a farmer wakes every morning to find another of his cattle dead, completely drained of blood…

In such circumstances, upon whom does one call?

Demon quellers are individuals who spend their lives studying the paranormal, the better to fight against it. Some follow this dangerous path out of duty, sponsored by a church or secret society. Others become demon quellers to avenge some past harm inflicted by unnatural forces. And then there those with the right combination of courage and curiosity, seekers of the unknown, challengers of the impossible.

Level         Exp           HD            Paralyze    Poison     Breath     Device      Magic        Lore

1                    0             1d8                14              11              16                 12              15            2-in-6

2                 1,450        +1d8              14              11              16                  12              15           2-in-6

3                 2,900        +1d8              14              11              16                  12              15           2-in-6

4                 5,800        +1d8              14              11              16                  12              15           3-in-6

5               11,600        +1d8              12               9              14                   9              12           3-in-6

6               23,200        +1d8              12               9              14                   9              12           3-in-6

7               46,400        +1d8              12               9              14                   9              12           4-in-6

8               92,800        +1d8              12               9              14                   9              12           4-in-6

9             185,600        +1d8              10               7              12                   8                9           4-in-6

10           278,400          +3                10               7              12                   8                9           4-in-6

Curious and Forgotten Lore: Over the course of their careers, demon quellers accumulate a vast trove of esoteric and occult knowledge.

Starting at 1st level, a demon queller has a 2-in-6 chance of identifying any given supernatural creature or phenomenon “in the field.” This also represents the character’s base chance of successfully researching a particular topic related to the supernatural (GMs may modify this roll based on the obscurity of the information sought and the resources available). Such information may include, but is not limited to: characteristics of supernatural beings, like special abilities and weaknesses; true names, command phrases, and other words of power; rituals on binding and banishing entities; locations of supernatural significance.

Using their curious and forgotten lore, a demon queller can create protective scrolls (as a cleric) and potions (as a magic-user), but the process to produce either requires double the time and cost.

A failed roll indicates that the character either doesn’t know or was unable to find the desired information. Alternatively, a GM may decide that the demon queller possesses or uncovers false or incomplete information.


In her post from Sunday, Emmy Allen reverse engineered the basic LotFP classes and created a scheme based on XP requirements to kit-bash new classes. The demon queller is my attempt based on her calculations.

It’s an approximation of the monster-hunter/paranormal investigator archetype


Anthony Hopkins as Prof. Van Helsing in Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

probably best represented by Abraham Van Helsing. (Another good example of this type of character would be Egg Shen from Big Trouble in Little China.) As such, the class is really suited to a low-to-no magic setting where the curious and forgotten lore feature will actually be useful. In my opinion, clerics and magic-users will eat a demon queller’s lunch.

Additionally, I imagine this class’ utility and playability is highly dependent on the GM’s willingness to create and adjudicate what a demon queller can do with their lore ability.


NEW MONSTER: Fever Beast


illustration by Evan Thomas

An ancient theory of disease held that all illnesses were caused by malevolent entities possessing the afflicted’s bodies. The proper course of treatment was exorcism. Ironically, by investing psychic energy into this concept, healers sometimes caused the disease to physically manifest. As medical lore advanced, instances of these creatures became exceedingly rare. But they can be found lurking in ruined cities and haunting plague-ravaged communities.

The fever beast presented here is a manifestation of a common sickness. It has been surmised that rarer and deadlier diseases create more powerful entities.

Medium Aberration

Armor Class 14
Hit Points 22 (3d8+9)
Speed 30 ft

Senses: Blindsense, 60 ft.
Immunities: Poison, disease
Vulnerabilities: Radiant damage

Special Features

Aura of Ill Health: The toxic nature of the fever beast saps endurance and lowers resistance to disease. All creatures within 15 feet of a fever beast has disadvantage on Constitution saving throws.


Flailing Limb melee attack +5 (1d6+2 bludgeoning damage, 10 ft. reach; a fever beast cannot use flailing limb while grappling a creature)

Febrile Fury (recharge 6)  Makes three flailing limb attacks; a target struck by at least 2 flailing limbs is grappled

Carious Fangs melee attack +7 (2d4+2 piercing damage plus contagion, 5 ft. reach; a fever beast can use carious fangs as a bonus action against a grappled target)

Miasmal Breath (recharge 5-6) The fever beast exhales a 15-foot cone of disease-ridden phlegm and spittle. Each creature in that area must succeed a DC 13 Constitution save or suffer the effects of a contagion spell



Sorcerer/Warlock/Witch/Wizard (Enchantment) Level 1

As long as the caster concentrates on the incantation, their gaze dissolves anything they can see within 30 feet. While the spell is active, the caster has disadvantage on sight-based ability and skill checks, and cannot use any other vision- or gaze-based spells or effects.


Caster Level

Acid Damage per Round

1 – 4


5 – 9


10 – 14


15 – 19




Optional Miscast Table for LotFP (Roll 1d12):

1 – Caster’s eyes melt out of their sockets. They suffer one die of acid damage and are permanently blinded.

2 – Caster’s eyes swell, pop out of sockets, become floating, acid-spitting monsters. Each eyeball has 1 hit die and can move 10 feet per round. Their acid attack has a range of 10 feet and deals one die of acid damage.

3 – Caster trips balls for number of rounds equal to their level.

4 – Caster transforms into acidic ooze for number of rounds equal to their level, dissolving all their clothing and gear in the process. While in this form, the caster moves at half speed, can flow up walls and ceilings, can seep through cracks and holes, and is immune to non-magical weapon damage. In ooze form, the caster cannot cast spells, but can attack with a pseudopod that deals one die of acid damage.

5 – Sudden acid rain shower deals one die of acid damage per round to everything within 30-foot radius of the caster for a number of rounds equal to the caster’s level

6 – Caster emits a cloud of acrid vapor that kills any adjacent creature with hit die less than or equal to their caster level that fail a saving throw versus poison.

7+ Consult generic mishap table



Divine Trickster: At first level,  a cleric of the chaos domain gains mage hand and prestidigitation as bonus cantrips.

Cry Havoc: At second level, a cleric can expend a use of channel divinity to scramble reality in a highly localized area. Until the beginning of the cleric’s next turn, whenever any other creature within 5 feet, plus 5 feet per cleric level, attempts to use a standard action, they must roll on the sorcerer’s Wild Magic random effect table and do that instead of what ever they intended to do.

Run Amok: At sixth level, a cleric is no longer hampered by naturally-occurring difficulty terrain. Additionally, they gain a bonus to their AC equal to their proficiency bonus against opportunity attacks provoked by their movement.

Irrational Exuberance: At eighth level, a cleric gains advantage on Persuasion and Deception checks to influence chaotic-aligned beings. Lawful-aligned beings have disadvantage on skill and ability checks to compel or intimidate the cleric.

Agent of Chaos: At seventeenth level, a cleric can expend a use of channel divinity to cast a domain spell as a bonus action.

Chaos Domain Spells:
1st level: color spray, hideous laughter
3rd level: enlarge/reduce, mirror image
5th level:
 blink, haste
7th level:
 confusion, polymorph
9th level: 
animate objects, mislead




NEW SPELL: Chemical Euphoria

Sorcerer/Wizard (Transmutation) Level 1

Through subtle transmutation magic, this spell turns any one instance of a substance (for example: a glass of wine, a roasted chicken wing, even a dollop of salve) into a potent narcotic. The physical properties of the target substance (how it looks, smells, feels, and tastes) are not affected.

When someone consumes the altered material, the dose kicks in in 1d4-1 rounds. The primary effect is an overwhelming sense of giddy well-being for a number of rounds equal to the caster’s level. In practical terms, an affected person is immune to any effect that would incur fear or other negative emotions.


The narcotic also numbs pain to such a degree that the affected person can ignore even grievous injuries. While the drug is in effect, a person will remain conscious and able to act after reaching 0 hit-points – any additional damage is taken out of the person’s Constitution score; only when that reaches 0 will the person die. Naturally, when the effects of the narcotic wear off, the person will definitely feel every wound.

Optional Miscast Table for LotFP (Roll 1d12):

1 – Hallucinogen: For a number of hours equal to the caster’s level, the target of the spell perceives things that aren’t really there – during every encounter or NPC interaction, add another participant that only the spell’s target can see and interact with.

2 – Emetic: After 1d4-1 rounds, the creature that ingests the altered substance will puke up the entire contents of its stomach. For a number rounds equal to the caster’s level, the ingester most succeed a Constitution check at the beginning of their turn to act. If they fail the check, they’re wracked with dry heaves and unable to act.

3 – Soporific: After 1d4-1 rounds of drowsiness, during which the ingester has disadvantage on saving throws, initiative, and Perception checks, the ingester falls asleep.

4 – Paralytic: After 1d4-1 rounds, the ingester’s body seizes up, immobilizing them. At the beginning of their turn, they can make a saving throw vs. poison. If successful, they can act that round, but their Strength and Dexterity scores will be treated as 3’s. After three successful saving throws, the paralysis ends.

5 – Anti-coagulant: For a number of rounds equal to the caster’s level, the ingester suffers an additional point of damage from all physical attacks

6 – Hypnotic: After 1d4-1 rounds of drowsiness, during which the ingester has disadvantage on saving throws, initiative, and Perception checks, the ingester enters a highly suggestible fugue state for a number of hours equal to the caster’s level. After the drug wears off, the ingester will have no memory of what it did under its effect.

7 – Allergen (Mild): After 1d4-1 rounds, the ingester suffers a physically harmless, but annoying, allergic reaction (itchy rash, constant sneezing or hiccuping, etc.) for a number of hours equal to the caster’s level

8 – Allergen (Severe): The substance triggers an extreme reaction from the ingester’s body, taking 1d4 points of damage at the start their turn and suffering disadvantage on all rolls for a number of rounds equal to the caster’s level.

9 – Pyretic: After 1 round, the ingester appears flushed and begins sweating profusely. On the next round, and each subsequent round up to the the caster’s level, the ingester begins radiating ever-increasing amounts of heat. The creatures takes 1d6 fire damage on the second round, 2d6 on the third, and so on; if the creature drops to 0 hit points under the drugs effect, it spontaneously combusts dealing the same dice of fire it just suffered to everything in a 5-foot radius around it.

10 – Aphrodisiac: The ingester becomes passionately infatuated with the spell’s caster for a number of rounds equal to caster’s level. While under the drug’s effect, the ingester will do just about anything to curry favor with its “love.” When the effect wears off, the ingester will immediately revert to its previous attitude about the caster and have no memory of ever feeling any other way about them.

11 – Mutagen: After 1d4-1 rounds, consult your favorite random table of mutations a number of times equal to the caster’s level. When the spell’s duration ends, the ingester must succeed a saving throw versus magic for each mutation. On a success, the mutation disappears; on a failure, it becomes permanent.

12 – Deadly poison: After 1d4-1 rounds, the ingester drops dead.