ESOTERIC ARSENAL 2: Eclectic Bugaloo

More funky weapons to tantalize, or torment, adventurers.

So long as a person holds this dagger between their teeth, they can crawl up, down, and across vertical surfaces and upside down along ceilings with a climb speed equal to their normal movement rate.

A stout shortsword of Dwarven manufacture. The wielder gains a bonus to attack rolls equal to the number of enemies adjacent to them.

This hand axe returns to the wielder’s hand when thrown and screams while in flight. The wielder has Advantage on attack rolls when throwing the weapon at a living target.

This spiked gauntlet holds five charges. By expending one or more charges, the wearer can project a bolt of electricity as a ranged attack dealing 1d8 damage per charge expended to a range of 60 feet. Alternatively, the wearer can discharge the gauntlet directly into a creature they have grabbed, dealing 1d10 damage per charge used. Any spent charges are restored after 8 hours of inactivity.

A larger-than-life-sized metal fist at the end of a 15-foot chain; equivalent to a flail. When wielded by a person of a lawful alignment, the fist can open and operate as a hand with Dexterity and Strength equal to the wielder.


Sorcerer/Witch/Wizard (Evocation)

The spellcaster’s eyes blaze with unbearable radiance, casting light as strong as the noon-day sun in a 20-foot cone and torch-bright illumination extending 30 feet further. Creatures within the illuminated area must succeed a Wisdom saving throw or be blinded for 1d4 rounds. Undead and fiendish creatures have Disadvantage on their saving throws and suffer 1d8 damage every round they remain within the light.

The reverse of solar glare, abyssal gaze, turns the spellcaster’s eyes into seemingly bottomless pools of utter black. A creature within 20 feet of the spellcaster that can see and be seen by the caster must succeed a Wisdom saving throw or become transfixed by the terrible darkness, unable to act. Every subsequent round, a creature stricken by the abyssal gaze can attempt a new saving throw to shake off the effect. Undead creatures had Advantage on their saving throws and fiendish creatures are immune. Once a creature has succeeded a saving throw, they cannot be affected by this spell again for 24 hours.

Both versions of the spell can be sustained for 1 round per caster level.

Picture Pong: MARP


So, False Patrick and Scrap Princess started a game of image response ping pong.

This being the foul year of our lord 2020, it’s gone viral.

The forces of chaos and law are forever at war, and all of creation is their battlefield.

But, on occasion, the great powers of order and disorder are obliged to meet peaceably. This presents some logistical challenges – how does an immovable object and an irresistible force interact without mutual destruction?

The answer, my friend, is Marp.

The marp are metaphysically inert, equally unaffected by chaotic or lawful influences. They also seemed to be cursed with unfaltering altruism. Thus, they make perfect intermediaries, shuttling between the two opposing sides like the hapless children of irreconcilable divorcees.

Whenever an inter-dimensional armistice is being signed, it’s marp who are serving drinks and passed hors d’oeuvres.

Marp seem to intuitively understand all languages but can’t say anything other than “marp,” whence comes the name by which they are known throughout the cosmos. They communicate among themselves with a complex system of blinks from their single, tripartite eyes. Utterly ineffectual in combat, a marp’s first instinct is to flee as fast as it can. As a last resort, a marp can project a prismatic spray (as the spell) from its eye, once per day.

Now, gentle reader, it’s your turn. Behold, who or what is this:


tumblr_otj1slowgt1r8scyto1_500RING OF THE WANDERING EYE: The glass eye can detach from the ring and fly up to 100 feet away from the wearer, who can see through it by closing their own eyes.


tumblr_otj1slowgt1r8scyto4_r1_500RING OF DEATH DEFERRED: When an injury, condition, or spell would kill the ring’s wearer, they drop to 1 hit point and their hit point maximum is permanently reduced by 1. 


tumblr_otj1slowgt1r8scyto8_r1_500SALAMANDER BAND: The ring grants three abilities to its wearer: 1. The wearer becomes fluent in the language of fire elementals. 2. The ring reduces the damage from fire effects suffered by its wearer by 1 point per die of damage inflicted. 3. At will, the ring can emit a tiny gout of flame that can ignite any flammable material. If used as an attack, it deals 1d3 fire damage to a single target in melee range.

tumblr_ognqwqr9591qzcapfo1_500RING OF THE WAR WOLF: When the ring’s wearer drops a creature to 0 hp with a melee attack, they gain temporary hit points equal to the number of hit dice of the slain creature. If the wearer has any temporary hit points left over when they go to sleep, there is a 5% chance per hit point that they will turn into a werewolf until the next sunrise. The risk of transformation doubles during a full moon.

ff0c190ee4b742aafba389572ed933daRING OF RIPPLING EARTH: While standing on earth, soil, or stone, the ring’s wearer has Advantage on Strength and Dexterity saving throws to resist forced movement and being knocked prone. The ring holds 5 charges that reset every 24 hours. The wearer can project a 5-foot-wide wave of seismic force through the ground that travels in a straight line 25 feet long, plus 5 feet per charge expended. A creature standing in the path of the wave takes 1d6 bludgeoning damage per charge expended and is knocked prone. A successful Strength or Dexterity save negates both effects.